Part 3: Passage

This is the 3rd part of three part series of my experience of living meditation for 100 days. Read Part 1 and Part 2.

Passage is an experience of maturity and growth, expanding the old self to a newer one. If the passage is blocked, things get stuck, conflicts build up. Many symptoms of psychological illnesses are due to chronic failures in passing through challenges in life. Hopelessness is one such situation we often experience when disasters strike. Meditation is a good way to overcome difficult hours and discover healthy passages. When I enter this stage in meditation, I experience all in one in solitude. Clarity, balance, and serenity are vivid. In this brief moment of an eternity, I ended my 100 day living meditation.

In meditation, thoughts pass through. Although some thoughts prevail for a while, nothing lasts for long. Things that form lose their force, vanishing into silence, maturing to nothingness. To get to the core of meditation, it is necessary to take time: sit, battle, chase, watch, plan, abort, breathe, wander off, let all be and go.

I try to see through the ends of activities of the things that rise. Wrapped in the immense solitude, they are swallowed into nothingness.

So I drift. Inevitably I lose myself in deep waves of thoughts as well as trifles. To get out of the swirl I reach out for my anchor, the one that is watching me drifting. I work hard to focus on that man that I am, that I am meditating through. This is the man I vaguely remember until I drift away.

Distancing reveals clearly what I am drifting away from. The one who drifts is the I that I think I am, but the man that is watching me is the one that I am not aware of as I am but have been looking for. Falling far off, I have a better view of I.

This is what I am attracted to about meditation: a mind-game, philosophical, therapeutic, mystical, yet the simplest language that all can understand. No words required.  

Meditation for me is a work of deciphering the code: a silent, forceful way of waking up in the real self.

By the time I see two of my selves, the one who is doing the meditation and the one who is playing the actions in the meditation, I change gears. My efforts turn to effacing the borders that separate the two. Team play begins. My goal: to let the ball pass through. My method: by harmonizing forces. My path: walk the middle road.

“I”, the observer, then becomes “I”, the player.

“I”s leave. Play is.

No bumps on the right or left.